Woe is me

So I tend to not post negative things because really who wants to be a debby downer but I need to vent. Feel free to by pass this, I won't be offended.

This pregnancy has really blown for me. Honestly it is one crap show after another. Literally and figuritvely.

Back in my second trimester I decided to come off my ssris. I've been diagnosed with general anxiety disorder and panic attacks. I've been on ssris for about 3 years and on and off benzos throughout that time period. Whenever I get pregnant they always want to mess with my doses. It wouldn't be so irritating except for the fact that they are not psychologists so most the time the advice is terrible. I started my pregnancy on lexapro and klonopin. I always drop the klonopin as soon as I think I might be pregnant because benzos and babies don't mix well. So lexapro is pretty safe..as safe as any other ssri really, but since my gyno (whom I love) has had access to more data on Zoloft she wanted to switch me. I agreed as I have switched ssris more then once. My dosage was also dropped during the switch. So my first trimester was a miserble existence between the hormones, withdrawal and start up of new meds. After waiting about a month to see if the Zoloft would kick in and work I realized that just wasn't going to happen. My panic attacks came back and the Zoloft gave me some gi problems i didn't want to deal with. So I told my doc I wanted off. She agreed to let me try it. I cut my doses for 4 weeks, which is honestly still a pretty fast comedown from ssris but I wanted to get it over with having gone through the withdrawal process before with celexa. So my second trimester revolved around me being extra tired, Anxiety, panic attacks, sick to my stomach, light headed, shaky and the famous "brain zaps" which basically just feel like you've been shocked in your head..it's almost like someone pressed a reset button on your brain.

Things looked up for a month or so and I felt like mostly I was enjoying myself although coming off an ssri can really mess with your anxiety levels. Essentially when you take away what's been controlling the serotonin your body has to readjust and your levels can be super messed up.

These past 4 weeks have been the worst!! Granted some stressful events have contributed to my overall well being but dang this is hard! I recently got test results back from my primary doctor because I was having gi upsets for 3 weeks. Namely diarrhea. A while ago I was diagnosed with ibs-a which is alternating between constipation and diarrhea. It was mostly controlled and I didn't have to worry to much unless my stress levels got high. So after ruling out any sort of parasite or bacteria my primary doc put me on a low fodmap diet for 6 weeks to see if it could help clear up my symptoms that he believes could be the ibs. If I had to compare the diet to something I would say imagine you got sent to hell, this diet would be what they served in the lunch room. It's satans food court. So I've been preparing double meals some nights because I can't bear to make my family eat the same bland garbage I've had to. (I'm on week 2) 4 more to go until I start to reintroduce foods and find allergies..horray!..not. If all else fails I'll be sent to a gi specialist, most likely after delivery. Right now it's unknown if the pregnancy has something to do with my symptoms so it's all kind of a shot in the dark. Because of my stomach issues my anxiety has shot through its small little roof. Panic attacks come whenever they want..like standing in line at the grocery store today. I basically am just at a breathe and deal point. Going back on ssris at this point will have me dealing with a months worth of symptoms while they start working and I'd like to try some natural products after dilvery to control the anxiety. Obviously most cannot be taken with pregnancy so I'm kinda at a stand still. Luckily I'm still feeling positive for the most part, despite what this blog says lol, and I'm hoping to get my body back fully functioning after i deliver.

Until then I breathe, eat my sad meals and make sure I have close access to bathrooms and Imodium. Horray for life and bodies!

On a positive note I have been cleared of placenta previa again! Which means I'm off pelvic rest and can hopefully get some stress relief via robbie.. Tmi? Sorry you got this far